Managing Conflict

Most of what is written about managing conflict states that conflict isn't inherently bad and that conflict is needed to create innovation or change.  That may be so, but for the purposes of this post, conflict is defined as unwanted and detrimental to the company's success.  Whether it be an argumentative confrontation or physical violence, managers must be prepared to deal with conflict.  For the purposes of this post, the nuanced differences in the definitions of conflict management and conflict resolution are not important.  The strategies employed here are basically the same for both.

1. What types of conflict are managers likely to encounter?
1. Verbal argument - There is no threat of violence, but the conflict is heated and getting in the way of productive work.
2. Physical assault - No contact has been made, but there are threats of violence or violence is probable. If blows or an actual fight occurs, then the disciplinary and administrative consequences are for another topic.
3. Nonverbal aggression - The conflict is transpiring without words.  That doesn't mean there isn't communication.  This type of conflict destroys collaboration and productivity.  It makes even those not involved uncomfortable
4. Passive resistance - One or more participants simply ignore the others or won't participate in any collaborative work.  This is usually directed at a single person.
5. Email "flame wars" - Someone sends something they shouldn't and it quickly escalates with an email chain a mile long.  This usually means lots of capital letters, large and bold fonts, and exclamation marks.
2. Who are the participants, or combatants?
1. Peers in the same group - This may be the easiest to manage because both people report to the same boss. 
2. Peers in different groups - The way the respective managers of each group treat each other will be reflected in the other members of each group.  The managers must work together to manage conflict that crosses departmental or organizational lines.  This is a very important point to understand.  If the managers fight, or treat each other with disrespect, the people in their organizations will do the same thing.
3. Supervisor and subordinate - Because of the difference in authority and "power" of the participants, it is important for the supervisor to conduct themselves appropriately and it is useful to understand why the person who perceives themselves as having less power may behave more aggressively.
4. You are a participant with someone who reports to you - This is a risky predicament to be in.  If you conduct yourself well, you can gain credibility, but if you allow yourself to be drawn into unprofessional behavior, your credibility will be greatly damaged.
3. Why do conflicts arise?
1. Different opinions on how to proceed on joint tasks - This is the most basic work disagreement which starts with both sides just wanting to do good work.  If there is a right and wrong way to do things, then this is easy to resolve.  Unfortunately there is almost never a easily identified right or wrong way to do anything. 
2. Failure to communicate - If we would talk about what is bothering us instead of bottling it up until it explodes, many conflicts would be avoided.  Providing a forum for open discussion amongst the group or groups can often head off conflicts.
3. Perceived/Actual inequities (workload, preferred assignments, etc.) - This is really an underlying issue.  Usually the actual disagreement is about something else, but this is what fuels the emotion.  If one of the participants feels this way, these feelings could have been brewing for a long time and erupts over a sometimes trivial disagreement.
4. Wrong interpretation of actions or intentions - One person's statement of fact without malice can be interpreted as a put down: "If you hadn't been sick all last week, we would have gotten the order".  A poor choice of words can lead to a conflict.
5. Cultural barriers - This is really a combination of a misinterpretation of actions and intentions and failure to communicate.  An example is that some parts of this country talk fast and move fast, while others talk more slowly and seem to move in a more deliberate fashion.  The fast talkers can be seen as untrustworthy and the slow talkers can be seen as unmotivated.  Both perceptions are probably false.
4. What typically accompanies conflict?
1. Emotions (anger, frustration, contempt, etc) - Dealing with the conflict without recognizing the emotions may not satisfy the participants.  People show emotions so that others will know they are upset, and recognizing the emotions can help them let go of the emotion.  This is most effective if discussed away from the other combatant.
2. Failure to listen
3. Introduction of non-related grievances - Sometimes just figuring out what the conflict is really about can be a challenge.  There can be several layers of "noise" involved.
4. EGO - When EGO's get involved the conflict stops being about right and wrong in the eyes of the participants and becomes a contest to see who will win and who will lose.  
5. Digging in one's heels
5. What are some strategies for dealing with conflict?
1. Avoidance - Don't have the conflict in the first place.  There may be a price to pay in terms of innovation or creativity, but if the goal is to get along, avoiding conflicts may be the way to go.  There are many things the manager can do to avoid conflicts without sacrificing other areas.  Managers should be available for subordinates to air grievances, provide a good example, and provide a forum for people to communicate amongst themselves.
2. Accommodation - There may be something that the manager can do to remove the reason for the conflict by changing the environment in some way.
3. Adjudication - The manager, or person of higher authority, decides who is right and who is wrong.  This approach may work if the participants just need an answer and they aren't highly invested in their positions.  Usually this will just push off the conflict to another day and another cause.
4. Compromise - Each side yields some ground to meet in the middle.
5. Collaboration - If the manager can remove the things that typically accompany conflict (see above), the participants may be able to work through the issues themselves and come up with an acceptable solution.  This is different from compromise because there doesn't have to be give and take in the solution.  It may be something completely new that satisfies both parties.
6. Arbitration/Mediation - Get someone else to help resolve the conflict.
7. Persuasion - This doesn't happen very often, but sometimes one person is able to persuade the other person with the logic of their argument.
6. What do you do if you are called to, learn of, or happen onto a conflict?
1. Exert your authority - It is important that a manager address a conflict when they see it, or know about it.  It is important that a conflict is addressed, if action needs to be taken.  The reason is that a manager's credibility as a leader depends on everyone knowing that all issues will be addressed.  There may be issues that can be left to subordinates to handle on their own, but this is a conscious decision to stay out of it, as opposed to a decision to avoid taking charge.
2. Stay calm - It is not just the participants that are watching the manager.  If a manager comes in with guns blazing it will set the standard for how to approach conflict.  The standard needs to be professional and rational.
3. Listen with an open mind - Make sure to hear both sides before taking a position.  If the manager has a reputation of jumping to a conclusion, the participants will fight to get their side known first.
4. Separate participants if needed - The manager has authority and must use it.  The participants will know that if they ignore an order to move away they could be in greater risk.
5. Take time to "clear the air" - Sometimes this is all that is needed for the participants to cool down and rationally resolve their differences.
6. Discuss the issue with the participants separately - Here are some tips for the one on one discussion with a conflict participant.  They come from accepted communication techniques, psychology, and experience.
1. Recognize emotions - People show emotions so that others will see how they feel.  Recognizing these emotions helps the person let go of them.  Avoid a direct label.  Don't say "I know you are angry".  A better way is to say "You appear angry to me".  This allows the person to hear it in a little less threatening way, and gives the manager the ability to be wrong without losing credibility.
2. Set expectations - The expectations that need to be set are for the way people treat each other and culture wanted for the organization.  This should be done in a non-threatening way. 
3. Listen first - Things aren't always what they seem.  The manager must be open minded and just listen to each participant's perception of what happened and why.
4. Repeat back for clarity - This is a very powerful tool.  Repeating back what is heard ensures that both the speaker and the manager are on the same page.
5. Probe for underlying issues - Just ask if there is anything else that has caused the conflict.  Ask twice if needed.  If you ask, they will tell you.
6. Deal with emotions/behavior/underlying issues separately - The more noise, the harder it is to get resolution.  Separating them allows a manager to deal with them one at a time.  
7. Ask what they want to happen - Maybe their solution will be acceptable to both management and the other participant.  They may not be expressing it well and the manager can help them convey what they want to the other participant in a way that is acceptable.
8. Appeal to maturity - This has been surprisingly effective.  No one wants to be viewed as immature, or childish.  If asked to take the high road, a person usually will.  If the expectation is set that everyone will be treated as an adult, people will want to be recognized as one of the adults, especially in comparison to the other participant.  Obviously this should be done with both parties.
9. Appeal to empathy (both other participant and manager) - Just asking someone to view their actions from the other person's perspective can get them to see how they are acting.  It is sometimes also effective to ask them what they would do, or how they would perceive the situation if they were the manager.  This sometimes help them see their behavior for what it is.
7. What if you are one of the participants as the manager? - This happens frequently with lower level managers who are not yet very experienced and/or dealing with less senior or experienced workers.  Much of what has been discussed above applies here, but it is worth reiterating.
1. Stay calm
2. Don't lose the power of authority - The company's upper management, Human Resources Department,  and Legal Department are all standing behind the manager who is in the proper performance of their duties.  If the manager lowers themselves to the level of the other participant and uses volume, intimidation, threats, etc., then the backing goes away.  If the manager stays calm and professional, the other person has no choice but to obey legitimate orders.  The manager has the authority to pick the time and place that the conflict will be dealt with, and usually can accept or reject any of the ways described above to resolve the conflict.  A good manager will use this authority to their advantage in managing the conflict in an effective way.
3. Recognize why the subordinate is behaving aggressively - It is useful for the manager to understand that the subordinate knows that the manager has all of the power and they themselves have very little if the manager is acting properly.  The frustration of being over matched can cause the subordinate to try to overcome this disadvantage by being louder, or acting in a more aggressive manner.  This makes it harder, but even more important that the manager  maintain their composure and professionalism. 
4. Stop the confrontation - Use the authority as a manager to direct a time and place to deal with the problem.  Allow some "cooling down" time, but the conflict should be dealt with promptly.

Summary

1. Address all conflicts
2. Set the example with peers/superiors 
3. Maintain composure
4. Always be available for the legitimate airing of grievances
5. Treat everyone as an adult (even if they don't deserve it)
6. Appeal to maturity